Fat Kid Suit


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To Blog or Not to…

Yes, I’m right back at fat. And yeah, I think my desire to transform chrysalis like into the Monarch (an actual ruling King, not a butterfly) I’ve always been pretty sure is the “authentic me,” is SO very interesting. Various persons have even been directly asking me to “please write some more of those fat kiddy things.”

Throne shopping is fun…

Why not write a little story, or post a couple pictures of some super fruit recipe I think is the shit?

I guess because being depressed is a full time job. And when I’m depressed I see and feel how depressed A LOT of other people are too. Not the X-Men “gift” I’d wish on anyone.

So when people email and ask when I’ll resuscitate the lifeless fat kid (picture jumper cables and a bowl of death grey Jello), I just hear, “I’m fucking miserable and fat too and wish you’d at least entertain me a little with your prancing and patheticisms!”

And then there is the whole pollution thing. The putrid litter people let spill from their mouths while talking to fellow body-snatchers on the other end of their cellular sticks, the online East Rivers percolating with the filth we shamelessly call “forum,” and the worst, fastest growing STD of them all, Facebook. There’s the cat! And she just won’t stay in that bag! Can I participate in modern life–can I live–without socially transmitting my own dis-ease?

Dogger

I don’t know. But lately, and this would take some explaining, I’ve been feeling like a monkey. It’s just become obvious to me–I’M A MONKEY. All that Judeo-Christian bullshit, our fingers stuffed in our ears as our mouths froth and blubber over and over, “We are NOT monkeys! I am not a MONKEY!”

Anyways, I’m trying to say that even though I’m personally against my doing so, I will probably blog soon about all this monkey business.

Thinking burns a lot of calories, I think.

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Another go at Raw Foods-Who wants to join me?

What a wild ride this “personal transformation” thing has been!  Seriously crazy loco whipsaw carnival grade action that would make Ray Bradbury tingle…

One of the coolest things has been all the people reading the blog, cheering me on, and experimenting with raw foods themselves.  Thank you.

If you are new to this blog, let me bring you up to speed with a quick re-cap:

A personal “State of the Union.”

  • Just before Halloween ’09 I was deep down in the “pits.”  Drinking over 100 alcoholic beverages a week, eating with abandon, and totally sedentary; I was an emotional & physical wreck.
  • Life was terrible sleepless nights brought on by acid reflux and painfully debilitating symptoms from the beginnings of an inguinal hernia.
  • My sedation had also aggravated a serious motorcycle shoulder injury from the past–and my left arm dislocated sometimes just taking off my shirt.
  • Overall, I was feeling as despondent as my liver must have felt.

Grasping at Curly Straws

  • A few years ago, I had experimented with raw food eating, and had easily lost weight while experiencing insane energy and even outright euphoria.  I wondered if I could rescue my body from the abuse I was submitting it to, and somehow get out of the oppressive depression that had become my norm, just by eating raw…
  • I set my mind to a 60 day “challenge.”  The plan was to go cold-turkey on cooked food, alcohol, and caffeine.  I knew it was going to be an extremely rough transition and that I needed some kind of external accountability to stick to it.  So I started this blog–Fat Kid Suit–to both “keep me honest” and chronicle the experience.
  • In just 60 days I lost 34 lbs, my troubling acid reflux disappeared, and I literally was a different person–so much so that the local paper asked if they could feature my story!
  • One of the conditions I set for myself when committing to 100% raw for 2 months was that I didn’t have to exercise if I didn’t want to.  I knew that just changing my diet so severely was going to be enough of a battle–so I left the exercise resolutions totally out of it.  I figured that eventually I’d WANT to work out.  And that’s exactly what happened…

Epic Fail on a New Challenge

  • So after completing 60 days raw, I set my mind to a new challenge, “90 straight days of exercise.”  I decided that during this challenge, I’d focus on fitness more than diet, and continue to eat a lot of raw foods, but allow myself cooked meals made with natural ingredients (hormone/antibiotic/containment free meat & dairy, organic veggies/potatoes/and grains, etc.).
  • The results of the first 30 days were interesting, I only lost a few pounds, despite doing some form of intense exercise EVERY day.  All that hiking, biking, push-ups, and Bikram Yoga was building muscle and I felt REALLY good, but I was frequently bloated and “puffy.”  I’d lost that lean & mean feeling I was getting from raw food…or more specifically from NOT eating cooked foods…
  • Then disaster struck.  About half-way through the 90 day challenge the hernia symptoms came back (very painful & involving my right nut–aaargh).  Unfortunately, the only way to cope is to STOP all exercise and straining, apply a lot of ice to the affected areas, and pretty much lay down for days
  • My work (bartending) also really exacerbates the symptoms–my job involves TONS of lifting, straining, stooping, squatting, and twisting at a near reckless pace.
  • Needless to say my “90 day Natural Fitness Challenge” was over.

Now What?

The last month has been a massive bummer.  Coming to terms with my physical situation, suddenly going from very active to not at all, and doing that very human thing we call drowning our sorrows, has meant gaining a few pounds and finding myself sorta depressed again for the first time in months.

I have just come too far to give up now and I am forcing myself to look at the bright side of things and figure out a way to continue forward, even if at a reduced speed.

Living in a place with such fab weather makes staying “up” a LOT easier.  While many of you must wait several more months for summer, it’s already come to Palm Springs California.  We had the customary “bad” month of lower temps and showers, and now the weather has “popped” and it’s 70 degrees in the morning, and 80 degrees or higher in the afternoons.  The skies are crystal clear, with truly breathtaking vistas from the desert floor looking up at snow frosted mountain peaks.

I’ve decided to take advantage of the heat.  Eating raw feels so natural when it’s hot and sunny.  My focus this time around isn’t going to just be the scale.  I want to heal from the inside out, and hopefully avoid surgery.

If I didn’t have the limitations from the hernia and was able to do more resistance training; my ideal weight would be between 200 and 205 pounds.  But, since all I can do right now is take long walks, my goal is 190 to 195 pounds ( a less muscular version of me).  I’m guessing it will take 6-8 weeks of eating 100% raw to lose the remaining weight.

My feeling is that even if I do end up needing surgery, I will be so much happier to have dropped that weight BEFORE, and know that I will have an even speedier recovery.  I’m also going to do my best to slowly build my core abdominal strength back up (something that’s a lot easier to do without an extra 20 pounds of gut).

A Simpler, Streamlined Approach To Raw Eating…

Tomorrow I will post my new–super simplified–approach to raw!  A simple streamlined menu with a shopping list that doesn’t require ANY complicated meal prep.  If you have been wanting to try raw out for yourself, you may find this approach to be a great way to go for it!

simple as that


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60 day raw food log: day 17 Weighing the cost of a raw food diet…is it worth it? (Part 2)

Yesterdays blog (part 1) looked at the misconception that eating “raw” has to be expensive.  It really doesn’t.

Today (part 2) I share what I think is a much bigger price to pay than money when it comes to the raw foods life…

Tomorrow (part 3) I’m going to look at the innumerable benefits of eating raw and try to do a simple Pro’s & Con’s analysis to see if eating raw feels worth it to me.

Part 2

IS GOING RAW WORTH IT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TO GIVE UP SO MUCH?

Coffee

I love coffee.  The aroma. The acidity. The buzzzzz. And I especially crave the taste.  Black tar washing down my gullet.

I know coffee isn’t great for me.  Sure every so often there’s a report about it having antioxidants as long as we drink it in moderation…come on…let’s be big boys & girls and admit it…we like coffee because it’s a drug.  An upper extraordinaire.

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This morning I woke up feeling like shit.  Warmed over death.  I had almost all juice yesterday and it’s kicking the cleansing back into high gear for me.  Now normally, a quick $3 exchange with my dealer in the green apron would instantly change how I felt. LITERALLY.

Yeah-yeah there would be an energy spike and a corresponding drop..blah blah blah…that’s what a second cup of coffee is for.  And I like most people ENJOY the coffee roller coaster.  Especially because the ride right next to it in the park is the Booze Cruise. booze-cruise

So let me bottom line how I feel about coffee despite the fact that I am better hydrated and overall better off without it.  I miss the nervous creative highs & lows I experienced with coffee.

Alcohol

If coffee is creative than alcohol is fun. Right?  We’ve ALL had fun drinking.  And we’ve all cursed Jack, Jim, and Jose for ever being born.

66 A Shirt Full of BoozeIt’s tough to imagine the world without alcohol.  The liquid hazy realm is where we all become stuff of legends…”Dude!  I got SO trashed!  I woke up in a planter in front of a bank!” and “WTF Lara, don’t you remember peeing on the McDonald’s sign last night

in front of like one million people driving down Wilshire?”

Good times.

I’ve been bartending for about three years.  I’m not the kind of bartender who throws bottles in the air.  I’m not particularly fast.  I’m the kind of bartender that gets to know you and makes you a perfect drink every time.

I love beer & liquor (slowly coming around on wine with the help of Chilean malbecs ), my love of bourbon and tequila drives me to constantly learn and craft each cocktail.

You know how they say that what people choose to drink says a lot about them.  It’s true.  It’s a fascinating thing and what’s really cool is that it changes both seasonally and slowly over time as someones personality shifts.

For example, when I lived in the cold SF bay area all my drinking revolved around bourbon and dark seasonal ales makers-mark-cocktail-shaker-1from NorCal on up through the Oregon coast (My all time fave was Lagunitas’ Lucky 13 Mondo Red).  The cocktail I liked to treat myself to was a stiff Maker’s Manhattan.

When I moved to Palm Springs I became obsessed with drinking Hefeweizens during the hot summer days and with meals.  My desert tonic of choice?  The simplest Tanqueray gimlet:  3 oz of Tanqueray, the juice squeezed from half a lime, and ice go into the shaker.  Shake the HELL out of it and strain it UP into a chilled cocktail glass or over fresh ice in a clear plastic Dixie cup if I was taking out to the pool…

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If I seem like I’m rambling a little, that’s because I am.

I want to convey that I really like and miss these things.  I can’t sit here and type some BS lie like, “Oh…I don’t really miss any of that.”  Because I do.

Food

Now obviously, I don’t have to give up food.  I eat as much of it as I want.  As long as it’s fruit, vegetables, nuts…

I’m talking about pizza, steak, hamburgers, mashed potatoes, lasagna, burritos, sushi, cornbread, bacon, chili-cheese fries, artisan goat cheese, nachos, sourdough melts, street tacos, BBQ, potato salad, tamales, Vegas buffets, spanakopita, cubano sandwiches, breakfast potatoes, garlic bread, chips & salsa, pad thai, samosas, baingan bharta, and anything made or topped with copious amounts of sweet roasted garlic…

Making that list this early in my attempt at 60 days raw (and maybe as a way of life) is both a little sadistic and masochistic…but you knew I’d eventually have to get some S&M into a blog called Live Nude Food. Click here for a little amateur food porn I downloaded on a day last week when my food cravings were worse than normal. Go ahead and click it. You know you want to.

So right now you’re probably thinking “WTF!?”.  Me too.

I’ve run out of the time needed to delve into the social ramifications of being a raw food weirdo (that IS what people think).  Suffice it to say that if you think eating a diet that is contrary in every last respect to what the rest of your family, your friends, and the country eats…carries zero consequences; your crazier than Tom Cruise.

Yeah, you can get all new friends (maybe you need to anyways).  You can carry baggies of cacao to the movies and thank the big dipper that raw eateries are coming soon to a corner near you.  But it’s not gonna be all fun, and it sure as hell isn’t easy.  So why claim that it is?

rolling-stone-uphill-against-resistance1

You can see why I say this is the real cost of going raw.  And it’s one I’m still weighing out myself.  It’s good that I’ve made the decision to commit to 60 days 100% raw NO MATTER WHAT.  If I was trying to ask these same questions over and over every day, it would be a disaster for me.  In the meantime my health and overall feeling about life have drastically improved in just two weeks.  That’s frickin impressive on any level.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Tomorrow I’ll try and articulate what’s so incredible about the raw foods experience, and I’ll ask myself how it stacks up to the booze cruise…

What I ate today:

  • Carrot/Orange/Apple juice
  • Half a Pineapple/Green Powder/Honey/Coconut Oil “Colada”
  • My new chocolate hemp Cocoa Puffs shake
  • The other half of the pineapple…

Notes: Felt full all day.  So much buzzy energy I almost don’t feel grounded.  Went for a long walk at dusk along a dried out river bed. I’m updating this at 4:45 in the morning and haven’t gone to sleep yet…


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60 Days raw food log: Day 9 Is raw food a religion?

Day 9

Is eating raw more like a religion than just a simple way of eating?  I hope not. Religion nauseates me.

It is interesting that RAW is talked about as a “lifestyle.” One where no matter how connected you are to other raw “fooders” {has it’s own lingo too…} you are still alienated from people in general.  And without question there’s a fair amount of elitism that enters into the picture, not altogether different from various religious groups who believe they are the “chosen.”

Even my girlfriend who is the healthiest person I know gets an inferiority complex every time I try to eat raw because she only eats “80% raw.”

But whose to really measure this health benefit against that social one?  Life’s short…then you die, right? And along the way the garnishment of pleasure is an A no. 1 priority. And that’s where it gets confusing.  It’s a genuine pleasurable thing to feel energy-charged and healthy and even to some extent sober.  But it’s also thrilling to get stoned and drunk and end up at some grease trap of a restaurant at 3am.

To each his own, ferschizzle, but still what fascinating choices present themselves in the raw, undercooked, cooked, and overcooked field of experiences we each translate as “Life.”

The only thing I really care about at this point in my existence is making sure that I don’t confuse being alive with living. In many ways I don’t feel like I’ve spent much of my time so far on earth really LIVING.  So if today raw foods tune me in, and tomorrow it’s psychedelics or a bridge to jump off–don’t judge.

What I ate today:

  • cracked open a coconut and drank it before I spanked it, I mean before I spooned big hunks of it’s white luscious flesh into my veggie hole.
  • wild blueberry and banana smoothie with barley grass powder and honey
  • Asian cabbage slaw: today I mixed it up with pears instead of apples and hemp pistachio tahini instead of almond butter!
  • Raw Pesto! I blended up basil, garlic, olive brine, olive oil, RAWMESAN, walnuts, and lemon juice.  Perfect beautiful pesto!  Used it as a dressing with a mix bowl full of spinach, baby tomatos, and kalamatas.