Fat Kid Suit


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Detritus and other life dilemmas.

You have no idea how much I hate to share this…I am so fucking fat and out of shape…AGAIN!

Like a twelve-stepper wrestling with step one, can I admit at least to myself that I have a serious problem?

Yes, I think so.  This is my type-written admission to me, and to what I imagine, disgusted (or at least disgruntled) readers of this blog.  Let me buy the bar a round of apologies, and toast you all with “To a life larger than it is small!”  And “New beginnings!”

If there is anyone still out there who cares, I will be blogging once again about my relationship with food (still not sure if I’m the abused or the abuser), and a bunch of other stuff you may find interesting.  Much has happened since my last posts and many of my viewpoints have changed, some drastically.  I also now have a mustache.

mustache

Years ago, maybe when I was twelve or thirteen, a science teacher lectured about detritus.  I learned that decomposition is the rule rather than the exception in life.  My English lit teacher tried to tell us the same thing somewhere in her “Man VS. Nature” lectures.  And I suppose a lot of the crap I was taught at church was just a response to the fears associated with the overriding erosive nature of  life.

detritus

 

I think it’s just this year  though that I finally  get it.  Detritus.  And for some reason my increased awareness of all things decomposing is motivating me to create.

I want to create.  Even if what I create can’t be lasting.

 

 

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90 Day Natural Fitness Challenge: Day 6 Health is the Ultimate Perk

I have some issues with this “challenge.”

I have to level with you and share that I have a real problem with the following words:

  • Natural – What the hell does that mean anyway?  Aren’t we all natural, even when we’re not?
  • Fitness – It’s kind of a gross word, that for me conjures up images of treadmills and those stupid giant balls people workout on.
  • Challenge – The word itself is a challenge, and in an abrasive way.  Sometimes we like a good challenge, but most of us don’t like to be challenged.

beats me

So why would I call this a Natural Fitness Challenge?  Because I only have words to work with here 😉 and because the three words together, kinda sorta almost convey what I am trying to do for the next 90 days of my life.  Actually I have 84 days left!

The whole package, aka, stronger & longer lasting.

Looking good Kim...must be all those Carl's Jr. salads...

I have tried–successfully & unsuccessfully–to “tranform” my body in the past.  Unfortunatley, even when I did succeed it was short-lived.  And something else always bothered me too…those transformations weren’t really about me.

Having only external goals like “I wanna lose weight and have big muscles,” or “the most important thing in my life is that I can wear a bikini this summer,” doesn’t get you to a place where the transformation sticks.  I want you to wear a bikini this summer too–I really do–but I want you to be wearing the polka dots every summer after as well.

That’s the thing that has been so different about both my 60 day Raw Food challenge and now this 90 day Natural Fitness challenge, I am focused on the whole package, and I want the change to become a permanent part of me.

Do you want to be healthy?

One of the biggest parts of the package is health.  What’s the point of getting super fit but in the process flooding your body with cancer causing artificial sweeteners, meat & dairy full of hormones and antibiotics, and “fat burners” that quickly wear down your nervous system?

And why undergo a trans-formative process that leaves you feeling only more critical of yourself?  That’s never healthy.

We live once.  We are these bodies, which I don’t believe are separate from us as most of us have been taught.

We can live incredibly with all kinds of savory sensory input and loads of dynamic energy and skin on skin and bellowing laughter, or we can drive around town with cheetohs on our dash and a big gulp in the cup holder with cigarettes burning our upholstery and our lungs hating the world and…you get the picture.

And yeah..I’m dramatizing both realities..we are all somewhere in the middle of that picture…which is right where we should be.

What I did on Day 6:

I am so blown away by how fast you can heal if you get out of your own way!  If you read the last couple blogs I mentioned I had to slow down a bit because of a debilitating sinus infection.  I rarely get sick, but when i get sinus infections they are serious business.

Gabrielle Brick, who I am a not so secret admirer of, gave me some great advice on how to make my sinus infection “cease to exist” quickly.  I used to have month long infections, following her advice it’s almost completely gone in 2 days!

Today I will be going for another strenuous hike since it’s my last day off for a bit and I must be outside in this gorgeous weather (it’s absolute sunny perfection and in the 70’s in Palm Springs).

  1. 2 glasses of h2o each with a tbs of Apple Cider Vinegar (for my sinuses)
  2. Juiced 2 grapefruit, 4 oranges, and blended with 2 big handfuls of spinach and some blueberries.
  3. 2 more glasses of water w/ ACV.
  4. took a slow hike at a pace that would get my heart rate up w/o stressing my immune system.
  5. ate a LARA bar on the hike.
  6. bought a new matcha green tea raw bar at health food store and ate it–so delicious! like a sweet graham cracker.
  7. made chickpea tacos with spicy mexicn seasonings and lots of fajita veggies: zucchini, carrots, onion, red pepper.  served on steamed corn tortillas and with spicy corn on the cob. i skipped the organic sour cream because of my sinuses.
  8. swallowed 2 big cloves of garlic (immune booster) in a tbs of raw honey (anti-bacterial).

Tomorrow I think I’ll feel good enough to get back to a Bikram class!


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90 day natural fitness challenge: DAY ONE! Hiking hungover…

“Ringing” in the New Year by drinking, is at best strange, and at worst just stupid.

I was the guy dispensing the booze all last night, so I didn’t actually start drinking until after the party goers left the bar.  And when I say “left” I mean grownups crying, cussing, and falling down on the way back to their cars or cabs…

Some highlights of my New Years Eve:

  • A retarded crackhead couple (I’m not being funny–I’m serious) who snuck into the party just a few minutes before the ball dropped.  Just in time for free bubbly and to have me take their photo with the woman’s camera phone–A picture I would kill to have!
  • There was also a couple who reminded me of Sigfried & Roy–except they were straight.  Picture a trailer park version of Fabio making out with a female version of Fabio who has enormous breasts.  Which Fabio kinda has anyways…

  • A woman in her seventies kept beckoning me over with her finger (not bending me over…beckoning…) and she would say things to me like, “You have the most beautiful eyes, can I stick a star on your face?”  Wasn’t long before I had two or three big silver plastic stars stuck on my forehead and cheeks.  There is probably some old guy writing a blog right now about how there was an idiot bartender at his New Year’s party that was trying to look like Paul Stanley from KISS.

  • The piano player got so drunk from steady bourbon shots that at one point he just started screaming into the microphone “SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!…SLUTS! SLUTS! SLUTS!”
  • One of the guys who played a bartender on “The Love Boat” was at my bar!  Not Isaac, the white one.  He ended up becoming an actual bartender.  How weird is that…kinda like the “I play a Doctor on TV” thing.

So after all that, I had a couple shots of tequila myself, and they knocked me on my ASS!  Damn my tolerance has lowered dramatically since I stopped being a drunk.

——————————————————————————————————————————

Today is day one of my 90 day natural fitness challenge!

Despite being slightly hungover, I accomplished my daily goal of doing some kind of intense exercise each & every day.  Now I only have 89 days left to go!

So I will be doing at least a brief post every day where I will share what I ate, and what kind of intense exercise I did that day.

Once a month I’ll post pics, my weight, some measurements and other stats.  The core of my regimen is going to be Bikram yoga and a diet high in raw foods (I’m shooting for somewhere around 2/3 of my diet being raw).

If you are curious, you can read more about the challenge here.

I am hoping this spreads and that many of you will want to join me.  There aren’t a lot of rules, and it’s  OK that you didn’t start right on January 1st.   It’s meant to be personal, and customized to help each of us accomplish whatever we feel we need to.

For me, it’s getting ACTIVE as a person and rebuilding my body, which has become a shipwreck from years of not using it and even worse abusing it.

So far there are four of us who have started as of today:

  1. Me.
  2. My brother Mike.
  3. My Aunt Carrie.
  4. And Annie!

In the next few days I will begin writing about each of them and what their goals are and what approach they are taking to get there.  Each of them have also agreed to let me post their “before & after” pics as well as interesting stats at the 30, 60, and 90 day markers!

If this seems like it might be the right time for you to join in, please check out this page which has links for you to get in touch with me!!!

DAY ONE

I wanted to start the year strong by spending the day outside and hiking through some breathtaking desert-scape!  Annie and I spent three hours hiking in the famous Indian Canyons.

The first 90 minutes we pushed really hard (we were nearly trail running much of the way), and it was mostly up.  My heart was tearing through my chest and my ass & thighs were really working it.  Great hard core sweaty workout.  Annie started overheating and taking her clothes off…

Then she passed out in a dry riverbed despite my warning her of the very real dangers of flash floods!

I let her sleep for about 15 minutes (she was up early this morning and already had done a 90 min Bikram yoga class!) and we slowed it down on the way back down so we could enjoy the views…

Today:

  1. Quart of water
  2. 2/3 of a pineapple & a banana
  3. Rigorous hike
  4. Ate 2 LARA bars while hiking and drank another quart of water.
  5. Fabulous Dinner at ACE hotel:  Spicy re-fried beans, Cojita cream corn salad, Chilaquiles (they have the best I have EVER had), plenty of hot sauce & a cold Negro Modelo!
  6. My fave raw dessert, Earth Cafe’s cherry cheesecake, which I buy by the slice at the health food store and keep in my fridge for nights like this!
  7. Goal is to finish off a third quart of water before I go to sleep later…

Tomorrow is yoga at Bikram Yoga Palm Desert & a trip to the farmers market!!!


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60 day raw food log: Day 45–Six weeks ago I was depressed and weighed 254 lbs. Today…

Today…the local newspaper is interviewing me about my raw foods “transformation!”

Read All About It! Crazy Guy Eats Only Raw Fruit & Veggies!!!

It may sound terribly cliche, but SO much has happened in just 1 1/2 months!  Enough apparently, to get the attention of others.

I lost 2 more pounds this past week eating only “raw foods.”  That means in only 6 weeks I’ve lost 26 lbs! But weight loss has really been the least significant change for me in all of this…

If you are new to my blog, go back to late October’s entries and you won’t have to read between the lines to find loads of anger and despair.  I was numbed out 90% of the time, and flat out angry the other 10% of the time.

Depression and Diet

Numbed out is just another way to say depressed.  How could I have NOT been considering what I was putting into my body?

I was:

  • Flooding my system with depressants (over 100 alcoholic beverages a week).
  • Trying to get back “up” with stimulants (coffee, sugar and other “white” foods) that spike you harder than a hot beach volleyball star.
  • Mucking up the works with bad fats made even worse by cooking with them.
  • Eating polluted grain-fed (and who knows what else) animal products filled with hormones, antibiotics and fear.
  • Rarely eating fruits or vegetables (like almost never), and when I did; eating nutritionally deficient, pesticide ridden, genetically modified produce.
  • Putting all of that “food” into a sedentary (nearly lifeless) body.

Looking back now, after such a rapid improvement in my sense of well-being, I have to ask myself, how much of that depression was completely physical and self-induced versus “emotional?”

Having grown up in a family comprised mostly of fat depressed souls, I also can’t help but truly wonder how many of their “emotional” problems would have been solved by just changing our families diet to a healthier one?

Would we have had a completely different childhood/home-life if we had just eaten different foods?

Comfort Foods and The Mirror

Of course the problem with a whole family, or even one person, making that kind of shift is this…when we’re depressed we want even more crap food to (here comes the irony) make ourselves feel “better.”  It’s called comfort food for Fuck’s sake!

I remember night after night of trying to comfort myself into a frickin coma with pepperoni pizzas and cartons of Ben & Jerry’s.  I also remember how uncomfortable I felt in my own body and how angry I’d feel looking at the “fat Elvis” version of myself in the mirror.

How ridiculous it really is to grow to nearly twice your size!  How out of control that feels!  How strange it is to be fat, even if it is quickly becoming the norm here in the U.S.

Just as bizzare and sad is getting to a place where its a burden just to be an active human being.  To see walking as a necessary evil that you engage in only when after circling the Walmart parking lot ten times you are forced to park more than 10 feet from your destination…

Real Food feels Real Good

So I don’t know where my life is going to go from here.  No one ever knows that.  I don’t know for sure if I will feel this elated two weeks from today.  I certainly don’t want to sound like I am preaching or proffering some kind of deluded salvation strategy (I don’t actually believe we need saving). But I do know that changing what and how I eat is changing me.

In very little time I look much younger, feel like early sexy Elvis more than pills washed down with liquor Elvis, and am no longer in self inflicted coma land…

Six weeks ago I could barely get out of bed to go to work at 5pm!  I was resigned to being broke and basically being unhappy with my life. Now I am having trouble sleeping because I have so much stuff that interests me hitting me all at once…

Yesterday I crashed a UC screenwriting lecture, and am beyond excited about getting back to work on some scripts I started before, as well as a new one I’m dying to outline and get started on.

I now spend a lot of time communicating with all kinds of people about food through Twitter and this blog.  I’d never blogged before, and had no idea how fun it can be or how much time it can take.

I have a growing reading list of both fiction and food-related stuff.  Business ideas that flashed across my previously drug addled brain are once again clamoring for my creative attention.

And, I have this interview with the paper I have to get to…