Fat Kid Suit


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Sexy Apple Cider Vinegar

Not much to report yet in regards to progress.  For the record I stated I would take “baby steps” in my efforts to get my health back.

So to start with, my attention is on simple awareness.  What I do.  Why I do it.  The whole “seeing” thing.

And how it actually feels.  I’ve been noticing that sometimes I assume things feel certain ways even when the opposite is true.

So here is what I saw today in an effort to simply observe–minus expectation and judgment :

MIND

  • I look like Buddha.  At 250 lbs I have his cheeks. 
  • I sleep very late.  The past two days I made an effort to awake earlier (like in the morning), and realized I stay in bed because I don’t know what to do with myself all day.  My life is minus direction, and time only flies while I’m passed out.
  • I think I think too much.  And I’m questioning the value I place on thinking.
  • I used to look people in the eyes–almost searching theirs–now I look away.
  • The foods I eat sound so good until I finish eating them.  After, I feel heavy and less than inspired.  Even defeated.
  • I’ve lost any actual belief in my ability to accomplish anything that requires a real commitment (i.e., time/$/energy).
  • I like people less than ever.

 

BODY

Physically, besides getting up earlier, I am taking nice long walks each day.  Today the heat returned to Palm Springs, so I will wait until around 9PM to take a brisk (pace not temperature) stroll because the temp should drop to around 85 degrees by then.

The only other “healthy” changes I’ve made so far is cutting back on the quantity of coffee and booze a bit, and adding organic raw unfiltered apple cider vinegar (Bragg’s) to my daily routine.

The main reason I’m taking apple cider vinegar (ACV) is to try and reset my stomach and buffer my horrific Acid Reflux.  I’m experimenting with it plain in water first thing in morning and before lunch (which is after coffee).

Late at night instead of my normal bourbon-based cocktails I mix a couple tbs of ACV with 1 tsp of natural baking soda and about 8 0z of cold water and pour it over rocks.  Not actually that sexy, but it kinda tastes like hard cider, and so far it seems to be helping.

For what it’s worth I’ve also read that ACV has a slew of other benefits (kidney cleaner, clear skin, weight loss, etc.).  I’ll report any benefits I experience.

I’ve made no other changes to my diet yet.  A side affect of the mindfulness attempts is that I am cleaning up what I eat a little here and there just because I’m kinda watching myself as an observer…

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90 day Natural Fitness Challenge: Day 16 Why I’m going back to 100% raw food

Life is an experiment.  That’s how I’ve seen it at least since about age twelve.

And in this oxygenated test tube where trial and error sometimes scintillates and sometimes stings, the only rule is to keep testing…

Many of us enjoy the dance that comes with testing other people.  Sometimes by pushing buttons and outright manipulation, other times via that heavenly connection with another that makes us more aware of ourselves by finding where our edges are; and ultimately aren’t.

But the deepest experiments are those where we are the subject and the observer.  If you look at my recent foray into raw foods as an experiment, then you’d also have to see the years of near abuse with food & drink that brought me to that jumping off point as a kind of experiment too…

And now a new level of experimentation has begun for me.  Now I notice nuance in relation to my body-mind.  Whereas before I simply slumbered, drugged by white processed flours and grain alcohol, now I can literally feel the difference between just OK and fucking fantastic.

While completing my 60 day raw challenge I rarely exercised.  It was enough to take on that new way of eating.  Even without exercise I lost 37 lbs in 8 weeks…

After completing that challenge I committed to a new one–90 straight days of exercise.  For over two weeks  now I’ve been pushing myself and intensely exercising every day.  I still eat very clean (raw until dinner and then cooked vegetarian meals for dinner) and I have lost exactly zero pounds.

Now, I have noticed increased musculature in my chest, shoulders, and legs…so most likely I’ve lost fat which has been replaced by new lean mass…but I don’t feel lighter.  While I’ve still been careful about what I eat, adding “healthy” cooked foods into my life again has left me feeling soft and lackluster.

I miss the clean and almost endless energy that came with all raw…and I miss how succulent and hydrating that way of eating was.

So, I’ve decided to spend at least the rest of January back on a 100% raw diet.  More experimentation and more data to crunch…

The main thing I’m curious to see is how I will feel eating 100% raw again, but this time coupled with daily intense exercise?  Only time will tell.


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90 Day Natural Fitness Challenge: Day 6 Health is the Ultimate Perk

I have some issues with this “challenge.”

I have to level with you and share that I have a real problem with the following words:

  • Natural – What the hell does that mean anyway?  Aren’t we all natural, even when we’re not?
  • Fitness – It’s kind of a gross word, that for me conjures up images of treadmills and those stupid giant balls people workout on.
  • Challenge – The word itself is a challenge, and in an abrasive way.  Sometimes we like a good challenge, but most of us don’t like to be challenged.

beats me

So why would I call this a Natural Fitness Challenge?  Because I only have words to work with here 😉 and because the three words together, kinda sorta almost convey what I am trying to do for the next 90 days of my life.  Actually I have 84 days left!

The whole package, aka, stronger & longer lasting.

Looking good Kim...must be all those Carl's Jr. salads...

I have tried–successfully & unsuccessfully–to “tranform” my body in the past.  Unfortunatley, even when I did succeed it was short-lived.  And something else always bothered me too…those transformations weren’t really about me.

Having only external goals like “I wanna lose weight and have big muscles,” or “the most important thing in my life is that I can wear a bikini this summer,” doesn’t get you to a place where the transformation sticks.  I want you to wear a bikini this summer too–I really do–but I want you to be wearing the polka dots every summer after as well.

That’s the thing that has been so different about both my 60 day Raw Food challenge and now this 90 day Natural Fitness challenge, I am focused on the whole package, and I want the change to become a permanent part of me.

Do you want to be healthy?

One of the biggest parts of the package is health.  What’s the point of getting super fit but in the process flooding your body with cancer causing artificial sweeteners, meat & dairy full of hormones and antibiotics, and “fat burners” that quickly wear down your nervous system?

And why undergo a trans-formative process that leaves you feeling only more critical of yourself?  That’s never healthy.

We live once.  We are these bodies, which I don’t believe are separate from us as most of us have been taught.

We can live incredibly with all kinds of savory sensory input and loads of dynamic energy and skin on skin and bellowing laughter, or we can drive around town with cheetohs on our dash and a big gulp in the cup holder with cigarettes burning our upholstery and our lungs hating the world and…you get the picture.

And yeah..I’m dramatizing both realities..we are all somewhere in the middle of that picture…which is right where we should be.

What I did on Day 6:

I am so blown away by how fast you can heal if you get out of your own way!  If you read the last couple blogs I mentioned I had to slow down a bit because of a debilitating sinus infection.  I rarely get sick, but when i get sinus infections they are serious business.

Gabrielle Brick, who I am a not so secret admirer of, gave me some great advice on how to make my sinus infection “cease to exist” quickly.  I used to have month long infections, following her advice it’s almost completely gone in 2 days!

Today I will be going for another strenuous hike since it’s my last day off for a bit and I must be outside in this gorgeous weather (it’s absolute sunny perfection and in the 70’s in Palm Springs).

  1. 2 glasses of h2o each with a tbs of Apple Cider Vinegar (for my sinuses)
  2. Juiced 2 grapefruit, 4 oranges, and blended with 2 big handfuls of spinach and some blueberries.
  3. 2 more glasses of water w/ ACV.
  4. took a slow hike at a pace that would get my heart rate up w/o stressing my immune system.
  5. ate a LARA bar on the hike.
  6. bought a new matcha green tea raw bar at health food store and ate it–so delicious! like a sweet graham cracker.
  7. made chickpea tacos with spicy mexicn seasonings and lots of fajita veggies: zucchini, carrots, onion, red pepper.  served on steamed corn tortillas and with spicy corn on the cob. i skipped the organic sour cream because of my sinuses.
  8. swallowed 2 big cloves of garlic (immune booster) in a tbs of raw honey (anti-bacterial).

Tomorrow I think I’ll feel good enough to get back to a Bikram class!


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60 day raw food log: Day 14 RAW FOOD CONTROVERSY

Don’t read this if you are easily offended as a raw foodie, vegetarian, or vegan.

For the hell of it today I want to write down some very specific feelings I’m having about food and how it seems to divide us into preformed types and all the thinking that surrounds it. I write now knowing that how I feel may change after I complete 60 days eating 100% raw (yesterday I referred to myself as an ever-changing furnace) and it will be interesting to re-read this then.

I’d also really like to hear your thoughts, so please take the time to comment if you have anything you’d like to share.

Here goes:

1. I don’t think its wrong that some humans eat meat. I’ve gone all over the map on this. When I was 18 or so I read John Robbin’s work Diet For a New America. Really made sense. So much so I “became” a Vegan (see the wording there?) for 3 years.

I also read Harvey Diamonds Fit for Life and started telling everyone that because we don’t have sharp fangs and lack the impulse to chase little squirrels around and tear them apart with our non-existent claws; that proves humans are not supposed to eat meat.squirrel

My feeling now is that we need to focus more on eating meat more consciously. And no, I don’t think that means that we should only eat meat we hunt or kill with our own hands. Human evolution happens through implementation of technologies. That’s HOW we evolve.

If vegans and raw food people really want to make a huge impact–work on helping everyday people (most will always eat meat) eat less and better sources of meat & dairy. Stop judging people and start helping them. We need to clean up our oceans so we can eat clean fish if we want to eat fish. We need to support families who raise animals humanely.

That’s my current feeling about meat…

2. The real food revolution has to happen with cooked foods. Regular old cooked food restaurants are where the improvements need to come. If a gal wants to eat a slice of pizza, she should be able to find a place that isn’t serving foods with hormones, pesticides, refined sugars…If a guy wants a big fat patty melt with cheddar and onions, give it to him, don’t hold back and make it diet food or even call it “health food”, just be committed to the INGREDIENTS being the best they can be. And yeah, have loads of vegetarian, vegan, and raw choices on the menu too!

A cool example of this I recently stumbled on is a vegetarian Mexican restaurant I read about called Gracias Madre GraciasMadre-websitethe owners of Cafe Gratitude (an excellent raw restaurant in the SF Bay Area) have opened.  Why would raw restaurateurs open a cooked food eatery? I think because this is precisely where the BIGGEST impact can be made for the benefit of all. And isn’t that the real spirit of vegan raw food eating?

As a raw vegan community we would do better to villainize cooked foods less (which given the deplorable state of most cooked foods is hard to do–see–that’s why I’m saying the big changes have to come with cooking) and show people how to include more raw foods in their lives. I love the “raw til dinner” concept as an example.

I guess that’s all for now. 

I will be weighing myself tomorrow (2 weeks raw) and that scale better budge!