Fat Kid Suit


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To Blog or Not to…

Yes, I’m right back at fat. And yeah, I think my desire to transform chrysalis like into the Monarch (an actual ruling King, not a butterfly) I’ve always been pretty sure is the “authentic me,” is SO very interesting. Various persons have even been directly asking me to “please write some more of those fat kiddy things.”

Throne shopping is fun…

Why not write a little story, or post a couple pictures of some super fruit recipe I think is the shit?

I guess because being depressed is a full time job. And when I’m depressed I see and feel how depressed A LOT of other people are too. Not the X-Men “gift” I’d wish on anyone.

So when people email and ask when I’ll resuscitate the lifeless fat kid (picture jumper cables and a bowl of death grey Jello), I just hear, “I’m fucking miserable and fat too and wish you’d at least entertain me a little with your prancing and patheticisms!”

And then there is the whole pollution thing. The putrid litter people let spill from their mouths while talking to fellow body-snatchers on the other end of their cellular sticks, the online East Rivers percolating with the filth we shamelessly call “forum,” and the worst, fastest growing STD of them all, Facebook. There’s the cat! And she just won’t stay in that bag! Can I participate in modern life–can I live–without socially transmitting my own dis-ease?

Dogger

I don’t know. But lately, and this would take some explaining, I’ve been feeling like a monkey. It’s just become obvious to me–I’M A MONKEY. All that Judeo-Christian bullshit, our fingers stuffed in our ears as our mouths froth and blubber over and over, “We are NOT monkeys! I am not a MONKEY!”

Anyways, I’m trying to say that even though I’m personally against my doing so, I will probably blog soon about all this monkey business.

Thinking burns a lot of calories, I think.

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Latch-Key Blog

I haven’t been blogging lately.  I feel kinda bad, but not that bad, about that.   My blog is sorta on its own right now–a latch-key blog–which should have me feeling awful guilty except that I was a latch-key too.  And I turned out; whatever that turns out to mean.

walking around town

And then there were promises I made…that I would soon write blogs about this or that micro thinking thing.  And maybe some reader of my blogs somewhere is a little disappointed.  Maybe somebody is pissed off even?  “Damn you Fat Kid guy!  I need more random lack of insight!  Who the hell are you to not write total shit on a semi-regular basis!?”

It all started stopping with Japan.  My not blogging.  I tried to blog about Japan, or anything else I could fathom.  Pure drivel, I mean chunks of crap, poured out of me.  Opinions wrapped in judgement like grey hot dogs wrapped in rubbery bacon.  I detest bacon wrapped hot dogs.   The world has gone mad and I just don’t have anything to add.

So my apologies, Fat Kid Suit is silent for now, which is why I thought I should submit this blog and explain why I’m not blogging.


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60 day raw food log: Day 39 I’m all out of balance & can’t figure out how to get grounded eating raw!

I think someone put too much Yang in my smoothie.  Or maybe it’s Yin… I can never remember which is which.

Anyway I have way too much of the crazy untethered in the stratosphere floating through electric fields kind.  And while having a lot of energy is a nice change–I certainly don’t want to go back to that numbed world I was living in just 5 weeks ago–what I am experiencing is unnerving and does NOT feel balanced.

Every other day I don’t go to bed.  I almost never want to eat–I’m just not hungry.  When I do eat anything other than fresh succulent fruit; I regret it and wish I had fruit.  It’s like there is nothing in my stomach to “buffer” anything more substantial than fruit and it’s juiciness.

My nut consumption is going way down.  I don’t want salads or cabbage.  And when I do try to make a new gourmet raw food recipe I’m usually disappointed.  Why?  What happened to all the fun I was having in the kitchen?  I’ve always enjoyed traditional cooking, and was getting off on experimenting w/ raw menu items.

Let me be real about where I’m at after this past week experiencing truly manic levels of unfocused energy.  I can’t wait for this 60 days I committed to to be over!  I want lentils.  I want potatoes.  I want some grounding ,requires digestion, so you can rest medicine.

Maybe 100% raw is just TOO much?

TO be fair I want to quickly point out two semi-related issues that I know are contributing to the insomnia and my feeling off-kilter…

1.  I started blogging & tweeting at exactly the same time I started my 60 day raw “challenge.”  I thought it would be cool to share the experience with anyone interested.  I didn’t know I would be throwing myself into a new universe whose steep learning curve and addictive nature are it’s price of entry.  I also didn’t know that it would be a place with large stretches of haunting emptiness and occasional noxious gas clouds back lit by glaring red stars…

2.  I need a more intense physical outlet.  Now that I’m lighter and feel so much better I’m doing myself a huge disservice by not rigorously exercising every day.

Deepak Chopra (Who I don’t follow on Twitter because he tweets way too much) has this thing he talks about which has stuck with me for years…it goes something like this…

DYNAMIC ACTIVITY = DEEP REST

DEEP REST = DYNAMIC ACTIVITY

That’s something I am sorely missing.  So understand I’m not blaming this on raw foods, but for me right now it’s all related. I thought riding my bike more, taking a hike on the weekend, and occasionally dropping and doing some push-ups would cover it.  It’s not enough for my fruit filled dragster body.

So here’s my plan to try and be in possession of my sanity and other faculties at the end of the next 3 weeks:

1. More Greens & Water. You will read this in almost every raw food context you can find, and I think I can do better with both…

2. Set a cut off time for Twitter and Blogging. Like no Twitter or blogs after midnight.  I need to pop in a DVD and be entertained or read one of the countless books piled high in my “READ!” stack.

3. Breathe! Seriously how often do we forget to breathe?  I can get so hooked into cyberspace that I forget to drink water and I’ll sit there bouncing around in my chair because I need to piss so bad!  That’s also why I’m taking advantage of this gorgeous Palm Springs day and blogging outside by the pool…

4. Start back to Bikram Yoga. It’s been almost two years.  It’s time.  Not only is this the “dynamic activity” I’m missing in my life–it also will really help me with #3–BIG BREATHS!

Yup. That's a Jesus Pose...

That said, I’m still looking forward to reintegrating some healthy cooked foods (sorry hard-core raw foodists, I know you think “healthy cooked food” is an oxymoron) back into my life.

I’ve been promising a post about some ideas I have for the long-term.  That post will come soon, just let me get my finger out of the electric socket first!


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60 day raw food log: day 36 I’m still raw & still losing weight rapidly & feeling outrageously good

On Tuesdays I weigh myself on the doctor style scale at my neighborhood health food store .  I went in today to see how I did this past week…

I lost another 4 lbs!

That has me down to 230 lbs…

Twenty Four Pounds lighter than I was just 5 short weeks ago.

I feel super; and by that I mean more energy than ever, no heavy gross bloated feeling, flexible, strong, and just about up for anything.  On an intangible level–I relate to people so much differently now–eye contact, confidence, and even a little swagger are back!

People are asking me questions (unsolicited) about my life and my creative aspirations.  One new contact wants to pay the fee to have one of my screenplays covered by a well known agency in Hollywood.

Other opportunities have presented themselves because I now have the energy and confidence to be putting myself out there. When I was spending most of my time drinking and the rest complaining–for some odd reason people and new prospects avoided me…

There is some kind of magnetism that goes along with eating better.  I’m not going to say it only comes from eating a diet high in raw foods,  but for me, eating only raw has unleashed dormant natural charisma and confidence which is helping me connect to a variety of people in new better ways.

I’m still not entirely sure what to do with my blog.

It’s initial purpose was to chronicle a sixty day raw food journey completed by a regular guy who had to overcome addictions and figure out how to eat this way even though he was tapped out financially (as in seriously broke and underemployed).

I’m a little more than half-way through that process now.

Here’s what people I’m meeting in-person and through the web are overwhelmingly asking for…simple, play by play, how to go and be raw info.

No philosophical stuff, or news articles on factory farming atrocities…but something akin to having a close friend take you by the hand and lead you into their raw food kitchen. People have been almost begging me to demonstrate how to make this seemingly insurmountable leap from cooked to not.

Can I do that?  I’m not sure.

First, I’d have to become a better blogger.  I find it difficult to commit to daily posts.  So many ideas swimming around and started, but I have NEVER been the guy who edits and finishes stuff.  I start things. I brainstorm. I motivate. I imagine…

I have a lot of ideas now related to raw foods and this blog–I just need to decide what I can commit to…

Maybe I will end up collaborating with others?  I’m very open, and as always your feedback and ideas would make my day.

Cheers!


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60 days raw food log: Day 10 A celebrity is someone who has more followers than they are following…

Day 10

**See below for what I ate today and a few more thoughts about raw food.

But today I’m dying to blog about this rabbit hole I fell into less than two weeks ago called “blogging” and the even bigger humungojumbo rabbit hole I fell into a couple nights ago called Twitter.

Jesus!  Twitter is like a Bizzaro World vortex, a place with great meaning & a place so banal and meaningless. All wrapped into one supposedly “social” space.  I love it!  But it is also so crazy self-promoting and weird, you know?

Like me.  I turned to Twitter because I thought it would be a good way to expose myself, er, my blog.  So after a few crazy cracked out of my mind “don’t bother me here I’m trying to Tweet!” hours I start to see that only people with persona’s and a high level of inter-connectivity sophistication have anyone at all reading their tweets or posts.  Makes sense I guess, but to a new blogger/tweeter its also a mix of daunting & depressing.

And then my blog…It sucked! Maybe it still does? So I spent a long sleepless night giving it a makeover: Adding Twitter to it, putting up a cool dinosaur header, posting photos of myself & obligatory cute kitten photos… But it still looks and feels so texty compared to other blogs I’ve been finding which are more sexy.

And for what? It @#$%’s with your head.  Why do I care?!? And I think that’s a good question.  If you have the answer, PLEASE tweet at me or comment on my blog or introduce me to some other new wild rabbit hole of communication I haven’t had the pleasure of falling into yet…

What I ate today:

  • Watermelon juice
  • Smoothie: Strawberries, banana, spirulina, honey
  • Raw trail mix with Goji berries
  • Mexican Salad: Cabbage, ZESTY PICKLED PEPPERS & VEGGIES, red bell pepper, avocado/sea salt/olive oil/lemon juice dressing.
  • Chocolate smoothie: raw cacao, banana, figs, honey, walnuts