Fat Kid Suit

To Blog or Not to…


Yes, I’m right back at fat. And yeah, I think my desire to transform chrysalis like into the Monarch (an actual ruling King, not a butterfly) I’ve always been pretty sure is the “authentic me,” is SO very interesting. Various persons have even been directly asking me to “please write some more of those fat kiddy things.”

Throne shopping is fun…

Why not write a little story, or post a couple pictures of some super fruit recipe I think is the shit?

I guess because being depressed is a full time job. And when I’m depressed I see and feel how depressed A LOT of other people are too. Not the X-Men “gift” I’d wish on anyone.

So when people email and ask when I’ll resuscitate the lifeless fat kid (picture jumper cables and a bowl of death grey Jello), I just hear, “I’m fucking miserable and fat too and wish you’d at least entertain me a little with your prancing and patheticisms!”

And then there is the whole pollution thing. The putrid litter people let spill from their mouths while talking to fellow body-snatchers on the other end of their cellular sticks, the online East Rivers percolating with the filth we shamelessly call “forum,” and the worst, fastest growing STD of them all, Facebook. There’s the cat! And she just won’t stay in that bag! Can I participate in modern life–can I live–without socially transmitting my own dis-ease?


I don’t know. But lately, and this would take some explaining, I’ve been feeling like a monkey. It’s just become obvious to me–I’M A MONKEY. All that Judeo-Christian bullshit, our fingers stuffed in our ears as our mouths froth and blubber over and over, “We are NOT monkeys! I am not a MONKEY!”

Anyways, I’m trying to say that even though I’m personally against my doing so, I will probably blog soon about all this monkey business.

Thinking burns a lot of calories, I think.

Author: Gray

Son of a traveling salesman who infected me early with gypsy wanderlust and the urge to move somewhere new every couple years to try on new identities. All my fantasies are escapist and in them I am free to never have to call anyplace home.

10 thoughts on “To Blog or Not to…

  1. I’ve missed you round these parts . . . I’m in a strange place of “fat but fit,” if that means anything. I have far too much around the middle, but I’m healthier than I’ve been. Except mentally – there, I’m still going through wicked bouts of depression. But cycling helps to get through that. Unfortunately, so does wine.

    • Hey John, really good to hear from you.

      Very interesting the whole fit but fat thing. Especially because you are really into running, right? That’s my big goal–to someday soon be running again/right now I am just too heavy–after about 20 years away from it. At one point nothing made me happier, especially trail running, and now that I live in the NW I want to experience that awesome feeling of running through the woods…

      I’m down to just 2 glasses of red wine a night, for several years I was over 100 “hard” drinks a week…but I still wonder how much the wine and the coffee affect me? Whenever I get them (painfully) 100% out of my system my depression lifts and I feel like Superman. About 2 months ago I did a 21 day juice “feast” and lost 20 pounds and started naturally getting up early (I normally sleep all day) and wanted to hike, etc.

      My 60 days raw was of the high fat variety, and since I seem to thrive on fruit, I may finally give the 80-10-10 thing a serious trial…

      Is cycling your new thing?

      • Actually, cycling was my first thing. Seriously, before I started running, before I started anything active, I would cycle. There just isn’t really any escape like that of working your way up a mountain in low gear, knowing you’ll get to rest as soon as you reach the crest of this hill.

        I’m all about needing an escape — unfortunately, too often, I go to red wine (my “glass” is about the size of 3 normal-sized glasses of wine, and I usually drink 2-3 on a night that I’m drinking).

        I’ve thought about a juice diet . . . but, well, I just enjoy my food far too much.

        I can’t tell you the last time I “naturally woke up.” Kids have a bad habit of keeping that from happening.

      • Bikes rock! Right now I have a lugged 90’s Miyata that I may turn into a single speed and I just picked up a pristine GT (steel) mountain bike from the 90’s. It looks like it just came off the showroom floor through some kind of time machine…and has that funky “triple triangle” which i’ve always loved and the origianl shimano XT shifts so buttery nice. That bike i’m just gonna slap some commuter tires on and ride everywhere. Do you ride a road bike? One of my favorite bikes of all time was a Lemond that I ended up abusing as a bike messenger in NYC–that bike took all the abuse happily and I ended up selling it to a girl who converted it into a Tri bike!

  2. Monkey man! I’ve missed your blogs, your rants. More please!

    • Thanks Colette, I’ve missed you too 😉

      • Hi Gray,

        I serendipity-ed upon your site while googling about raw foods. Just a couple of things: I resonate with your desire to live an authentic life. For me, that translates to a life that is as free from “illusion” as possible. I gave up my turbulent relationship with booze last year, as part of my drive to live a real, true life. And the idea of eating raw instinctively clicked with me when I first read about it back in the nineties. I’m heading back in the direction of eating raw vegan (low-fat), yet part of me is very resistant to this as it would mean relinquishing the emotion numbing/placating cooked crap (and booze previously served that purpose). I’ve been down many times in my life’s journey (including with depression) but this drive to live a “real” life always comes back and resuscitates me. All the best to you! May we embrace freedom and cast off the existential shackles that hold us back from soaring high (naturally high, that is…ha ha)!
        Hi Gray,


      • Thanks Candace,

        “As free from illusion as possible,” I like that.

        I’m working up the will to give the 80-10-10 version of raw a serious go myself–if I do i will post some of my experiences here.

  3. So I don’t know if you are still around or if you even check this anymore, but I spent the last 8 or so hours reading every post and every comment. I stumbled across this in my own research before I begin my own raw journey. I find that you and I share many commonalities. Thank you for sharing your triumphs and failures with me. It has been the most honest perspective on trying to regain ones health after years of abuse. Thank-you for being real. Who knows, maybe I will blog my journey as well.

    • Thanks Shamus!

      So crazy ppl still find & read this!!

      Always in the recesses to start fatkidsuit back up…just got back from 4 mos in southeast Asia and seeing things now in very different ways….

      Cheers, and good luck with raw and beyond.

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