Fat Kid Suit

stick a label on me, spread the bull-shit thick, manipulate everyone around you


I’m sick. Physically, mentally, and socially.

Fizz:ical (PX)

Tuberculin Zone Ahead


Seems I picked up some kind of lung thing in Mexico.  Despite heavy doses of miracle powders ranging from deep forest mushrooms to marine algae–I still look and feel horror show.  The other physical malefactor being stress from work issues I don’t want to elaborate on, and my own piteous incapacity to handle life…


gone Mental ( -MH )

Children who don’t sleep at night are creepy birds.  I was one of those wide-eyes, and it wasn’t/isn’t a hoot.


So much seems to be about sync, records just don’t play right if spun even a little too slow or fast.  My reset button was intense exercise, which is unfortunate, due to pernicious injury I spend a lot of time sidelined.  If I wasn’t eating as healthfully as I am now and drinking as little–I’d be sunk at the bottom of the deep end of the depression pool.

Social defunct (S&M)

Being immune-compromised, exhausted, and synapse taxed makes it toilsome to be around others.  If you have ever worked in “the service industry” you know how unserviceable many of the bloated, baffled, boring, and banal who stumble through are.

Lately I've been lacking in flair.

Here in Palm Springs California, most of the tourist look as if just seconds before someone smashed them in the face with a baseball bat.  Stunned and confused they want me to make them a drink identical to the swill they drink back home at their neighborhood Applebee’s or Tweedledicks.

It’s painful even pretending to be interested as they tell their grating stories or stammer about how they don’t really mind homos as long as they don’t make a show of it or act, you know, too gay.  And then I’m supposed be funny,  endearing even, while I cater to their every piggish whim running back and forth for diet coke refills and extra ranch dressing.

Looking for a bridge to live under

Beyond the food service thing, I am fighting to find a way to communicate with people that doesn’t feel like it is sucking the life out of me.


Author: Gray

Son of a traveling salesman who infected me early with gypsy wanderlust and the urge to move somewhere new every couple years to try on new identities. All my fantasies are escapist and in them I am free to never have to call anyplace home.

6 thoughts on “stick a label on me, spread the bull-shit thick, manipulate everyone around you

  1. I am loving your blog. I am currently, however, unable to do anything other than agree with you, which somehow I feel will not help you feel better. Stupid people are everywhere……which is why I only work with the dead. My current dilemma is how can people define health and judge my “sobriety” while chugging caffeine, enjoying nicotine, and telling me how they’re about to go gambling???? Does no one else see the hypocrisy? Everything is addicting! Sugar/caffeine/nicotine/sex/love/shopping/foreign controlled substances of all kinds!!!!!! So are we ONLY healthy and sober if we do NONE of those things? Or are we doomed to have self-righteous, chain-smoking, Starbucks addicts hand-down what counts and what doesn’t as healthy and rigorously frickin honest? I’m over it. The whole thing makes me want to mix a cocktail, ruin a marriage, and start collecting unemployment. God bless you Ken Gray. Shoulda married you in 7th grade when I had the chance.

    • haha

      you nailed it! mix a cocktail and collect some unemployment–i am right there too…

      and as you probably realize i used a TON of constraint writing this piece…

  2. Well I had a bad feeling about Tijuana. Have you been diagnosed? Sending thoughts of health your way.

    • haha CM

      everyone had/has a bad feeling about TJ
      i gotta say however
      and maybe even diseased
      i still feel it is the last honest place within about 500 miles of me

      but thank you for concern
      and no,
      i don’t do the doc thing unless i need an ambulance

  3. I absolutely avoid the doctor except when I don’t have a choice – and whatever stomach bug I picked up had me there (two days of being absolutely unable to eat, and another 3 days of feeling like I was death incarnate).

    That said, I’ve had an upper-respiratory thing ever since I started my new job, coughing up some lovely mucous every morning . . . I should probably get that checked – but, you know, it doesn’t feel like it’s going to kill me anytime soon.

    • yeah john, i research my ailment best i can, make best guess, load up on alternative care supplies and BOMBARD whatever it is just like when u do antibiotics and they only work if u do full course…

      also, i cut all sugar out 100% since it is big immune downer. up the foods with fresh basil & garlic…

      most shit just goes away, and why give the doctors and RX’s props for that. I worked in an ER, on an ambulance, in urgent care facilities, and industrial med–they are great ar sewing things back on but with other stuff it’s just this guessing game they play, and whatever drug rep just stopped by, and even placebos

      also, i don’t know about you, but EVERY TIME i get sick, in hindsight i see that i was wearing myself down, not sleeping, too much stress, and sometimes your body just says “i’m knocking you on your ass for awhile.”

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