10/10/10

October 10, 2010 by Gray 4 Comments

I’ve been in bad shape lately. For eight months I’ve avoided posting here because I was embarrassed to report how out of it I’ve been.

You may have read that I was getting sidelined by hernia symptoms. I’d like to say I’ve addressed that, but instead I’ve been afraid of making it worse and thus have been terribly sedentary–which has made it, uh,  worse.

Lack of activity coupled with a return to my previous unhealthy eating & drinking (If I were a law firm it would be called Binge & Binge Associates) means I’ve packed a lot of the fat I lost back on.

A few days ago I started getting the urge to regroup and put myself out there again (for both scrutiny & support).  My alcohol addled brain has been making a case for changing nothing in my life, but for some reason 10/10/10 kept popping into my head all week as a portentous date for me and my well-being…

Reading over my previous blog-posts I’m shocked by how healthy I was.  I remember how nice it was to feel that good and happy.

I’m not prepared to commit to a 100% raw diet today, but I will be adding some healthy foods back into my life (I’ve been categorically avoiding fruit and greens).  I’ll also be cutting back/out some of the shit foods that have once again taken on more meaning in my life than they deserve.  And in the spirit of baby steps, I will move about more.

On some level I really believe the Buddhist credo about simple awareness being the key to ourselves and that we are already fine how we are at any given moment.  If we put our attention on just seeing what is, without judging what we see, it’s sorta automatically self-corrective in a really healthy way that makes a lot more sense than flogging…

 

So for now I’ll just write down what I “see.”

• I weigh exactly 250 pounds today.

• My acid reflux has gotten ridiculously bad and is at times painful and even scary.

• My flexibility is nil, and my aerobic capacity is next to nil.

• I’m optimistic.