Fat Kid Suit

60 Days Raw Log: Day 5 is scary. I’d rather be scared on Halloween than depressed

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Today started great–woke up feeling super duper.  Went to bed early last night (which for me is 1am) and woke up way early too (7:30am).

You may have noticed there has been ZERO mention of exercise yet…that’s because I’m a fat lazy ass! I used to be addicted to Bikram Yoga (hot yoga) and Jesus was my life different then.  I also enjoy bikes.  I was a bike messenger in NYC and rode over 40 miles a day with up to 60 lbs strapped to my back.  When I lived on the Central Coast of California I totally got into mountain biking and had a full-suspension bike as well as a cool single speed 29er.  Now I own a fixed gear with sweet mustache bars, but since large butts hurt when they straddle small bike seats, I don’t ride much anymore.  My favorite exercise of all is nice long hikes and I hope to enjoy exploring hiking in the Palm Springs area this winter (people literally die when they hike in the desert here during the summer).

I want to get back to all that stuff soon.  Last time I did raw–when the crazy energy kicked in–there was no way I couldn’t exercise.  I was doing push-ups all the time and running up and down the steep hills of SF and sweating out the toxins in Bikram classes.  So I’m just going to let it happen naturally.

What I can’t stand is gyms. Not my thing.  One of my friends loves the treadmill and free weight thing.  I can’t do it.  I do have those funny work-out rubber band things though.  Those actually work pretty good for curls, etc.  Maybe I’ll get those out from hiding…

Tonight was the big Halloween party at the convalescent center I tend bar at.  So, to do my part, I got a few things at the costume shop and turned myself into a case of the swine flu. Unbelievably, so much was going on, that my girlfriend (who was a ridiculously cute zebra) and I forgot to take pictures.  I am pissed.

Here’s how I did my costume:  I spray painted my hair pink.  I got a very realistic looking pig snout that you are supposed to wear over your nose.  Poked a hole in one of the nostrils and fed a piece of Kleenex through it so that people could see tissue stuck in the pig’s nose.  Wore the nose on my forehead most of the night since I had to bust out a lot of drinks for the restaurant and the geezers in the bar.  Took a plain white T-shirt and using a permanent marker drew in big block letters “H 1 N 1” across the chest.  One the back in funny 1970’s style bubble letters I wrote “One Sick Pig.” On on of the sleeves I drew “CAUTION” with the caution triangle symbol.  I wore a string of pearls to add a stupid biblical reference (I hate the Bible) and used a little piece of pink ribbon tied on my back belt loop as a tail.  The whole costume was less than $10 and when people got it, it was a huge hit.

But, for some reason, overall the night was extremely depressing.  My head went into this spiral funk and I couldn’t get out.  I decided that if I were more celebratory & allowed myself a cocktail it would probably improve things. BIG MISTAKE! Made myself my favorite drink, a simple Tanqueray Gimlet (3 0z Tanqueray gin, juice from 1/2 a lime, shake the hell out of it in a cocktail shaker filled with crushed ice, strain over fresh rocks or “up” in a chilled cocktail glass). When all that drink did was make me feel restless, I made another…

Around 12:30 AM riding my bicycle home drunk, beyond depressed, and thinking things like, “at least I have the stars to look at” and, “at least I’m not like the lady those people wheeled into the bar tonight who had Alzheimers and garbled the weirdest version of God Loves America I’ve ever heard while clinging to the two little baby dolls she was holding on her lap.”

What I ate today:

  • 2 blooooood oranges (think Twilight, but Jack Black is playing Edward the Vampire)
  • cantaloupe juice
  • Lara Bar
  • Walnuts & raisins
  • Huge salad
  • 2 BIG ASS GIN GIMLETS (NOT raw no matter how you slice the limes!)
  • Cacao shake



Author: Gray

Son of a traveling salesman who infected me early with gypsy wanderlust and the urge to move somewhere new every couple years to try on new identities. All my fantasies are escapist and in them I am free to never have to call anyplace home.

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